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These include consistency, reciprocity and openness. And, it is the absence of one or all of these that creates the feeling of emotional insecurity and the subsequent feelings of anxiousness regarding the new relationship.
Consistency is key for reassuring that you are not putting your heart out there, only to get crushed once again. The absence of this can seem like an emotional rollercoaster for some.
I see many women in my office that feel almost rattled when they start dating.
They are dating someone who is inconsistent in making plans.
Are you doing all the work to get to keep seeing each other.
Does he/she call you to initiate plans for when you will see each other next?
Reciprocity as exemplified by an even amount of initiating contact will go a long way towards making you feel more secure in the early stages of dating. Vulnerability refers to your ability to honestly express your emotions to another.
Finally, openness is key to feeling connected, which in turn is what makes one feel secure in a relationship. If no one is being truly open and vulnerable, the relationship cannot progress past just dating, regardless if it has become physical or not.
That creates the miserable struggle where you vacillate wildly between wanting to keep your calendar open so you have time to see each other when they next call, yet fighting a nasty battle with your ego and thinking, “I’m not going to sit around waiting for you”.I help them to determine what “they” need to be happy so that they can recognize the person that can give that to them.What I love doing the most is getting to work with someone when they are actively dating through the internet or another medium.It is not that I am insecure and something is wrong with me.I simply do better dating someone who is consistent, rather than seeming plan aversive.